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Susan L. Heisler

If you would like to interview Susan, please contact her at (310)239-7121 or email her at sheisler@erols.com. Anthology of a Crazy Lady is a groundbreakingly fresh look at the value of art therapy in treating mental illness. This is a timely subject that is beneficial for all media -- radio, TV, magazines, and journals.

If you are a professional who is responsible for aquiring new titles or finding new resources and would like to request a book galley for review purposes, please contact Susan at  (302)239-7121 or email her at sheisler@erols.com

Questions & Answers
Q: How did your book come into being?

A: During my struggle with undiagnosed manic depression, I felt so alone and isolated. I was convinced no one would understand the depth of my misery if I talked about it, nor would they be interested in hearing my tale of woe. I read every book I could get my hands on concerning mental illness just to convince myself that I was not alone feeling the way I did. It was this sense of "being on the outside looking in" and thinking I was "different" from everyone that nudged me into writing an account of my life. I wanted to give people the opportunity to identify with and learn from what I encountered for 59 years.

Q: The title suggests that creativity helped with your eventual recovery. 

A: From the time I was a child until now, I've had to deal with racing thoughts. Before I was diagnosed, I referred to this phenomenon as "mind pollution" - too many things to do, and too many things to remember. Writing had a calming effect. It allowed me to ignore the mental discomfort by creating stories and living my life through a character I created. It was a "safe" time when I was in control of my circumstances and my reaction to them. Years later, when I read through the foot-high stack of papers, it was like reading a diary. I could determine what I was thinking and feeling at particular times in my life. I had patterned the subject's life after mine; the only difference was that he was all I was not and there was always someone there for him in times of trouble.
Art was instituted at a later time. I was very creative artistically as a child, but never felt comfortable enough to share my drawings with anyone; however, as I approached middle age and my anxiety levels began to climb, I discovered that "doodling" would gradually lessen its intensity. My original drawings were dark and grotesque, but as time went on and my healing progressed, they became freer and more whimsical.
During one hospitalization, I met an art therapist who encouraged me to draw what was in my head. Up to that time, I was unable to adequately express my thoughts and feelings. I began this adventure with very primitive drawings. At first, it was difficult to identify a thought or feeling to put on paper because I had never really acknowledged my true feelings. After struggling for several months, I began drawing just to ease anxiety but was able to recognize my feelings in the pictures.

Q. Were there other ways that you dealt with your illness?

A. As I progressed in therapy, a lot of anger surfaced. It was such intense anger that it frightened me. A sensible approach in controlling it was walking. With each step, I pounded my anger, frustration, and despair into the pavement. After walking several miles, I felt relieved and more in control. 
Unfortunately, I didn't always use a sensible approach. Many times I was so desperate for relief that I used alcohol in an effort to obliterate my raging feelings. Drinking only depressed me, causing me to seek other self-destructive ways to rid myself of my misery.
Spending money was another attempt at consoling myself. I was buying ten or fifteen minutes of happiness. Shopping sprees depended on the degree of unhappiness and anger I was experiencing. Our credit card bills were sky-high for years.

Q. How has mental illness affected your quality of life?

A. It's been a humbling experience. Discovering the "real me" meant facing all my weaknesses - the frailties of my personality, the mistakes I made, the people I'd hurt and/or alienated. After ten tumultuous years of psychotherapy and once I was fairly stable, I made the decision to correct each negativity that had resulted from my life of mental illness. Forgiveness was the first and most important step I had to take. Forgiving my parents and sister, and all those who had ignored me, misunderstood me, or ended relationships sometime in my life was difficult, but not as hard as forgiving myself. 
Learning to love myself took a long time. After years of using a façade to hide the miserable, unlovable, insecure child, I was forced to face myself, warts and all. Knowing who I am after all these years has been a blessing.

Q. You mention using a façade. How did it help you?

A. Using a façade allowed me to be the person I thought everyone wanted to see  - a smiling, joking, life-of-the-party person. I used this protective mechanism as a means of survival for most of my life. It sheltered me from any criticism, insecurity, or rejection. I was surrounded by this solid wall that kept everyone at arm's length.

Q. When the façade was dismantled, how did you react/

A. It was the most traumatic time of my life. I sabotaged therapy sessions, zoned out, ran away, threatened suicide, and drank excessively just to avoid facing the "real me." I was scared that I wouldn't like me. I didn't know whether I could learn to live with me. I wasn't sure the world would accept me for me. My façade had dictated my every move and now I was responsible for my behavior. I had to re-learn socialization skills and trust my responses in certain situations. 

Q. How do you feel now that you are "yourself?"

A. I feel much sadness in losing most of my life by hiding behind a façade. I've grasped at anything and everything in an attempt to compensate for what I have missed, but I know I cannot reclaim those lost years.

Q. Now that your book is in the bookstores, are you concerned or nervous about opening up your life to the public?

A. Readers have called me "courageous" for writing such a book. To me, it was the natural thing to do. I have such compassion for people who have been misunderstood, ignored, or isolated because of mental illness. My hope is to draw out those who are dealing with some form of mental illness by identifying with my struggle and knowing there is someone they can call and talk to. I believe very strongly in supporting unhappy, hurting people.
 
 

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